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  • Writer's pictureStand Sure In Life

Don't Gilt The Guilt

A conversation turned into a game of accusation where by the other party stated emphatically that I had done this, that and the other. My reply was honest and heartfelt to which they retorted with several utterations of the word "no" followed by "I'm not being made to feel guilty by this" followed by yet more statements of a hurtful nature. Needless to say that relationship was nipped in the bud very quickly but it did get me thinking about the concept of guilt.

Let me be clear I'm not talking about being found guilty of a crime or misdemeanour. What I am talking about though is the notion of feeling guilty for doing something or not doing something but also the idea of making someone else feel guilty.

Guilt is the feeling that you've done something wrong. No one can make you feel guilty but you. Yes, you can be accused of doing something wrong but that is simply a perception of the other person. If however, what they say rings true then it is up to you to do something about it. When someone accuses you of trying to make them feel guilty it is more of a reflecion on them than it is of you; if they are feeling guilty or think you're trying to make them feel guilty then clearly there's something in their behaviour that they are questioning albeit on a subconcious level.

It all comes down to what your moral compass tells you and what your core beliefs are but also on how secure you are in yourself. If you feel that someone is trying to make you feel guilty you need to ask yourself why you're feeling that way. All the other person is doing is offering an opinion on how they are feeling. So if you start feeling that they're "making you feel guilty" you need to candidly assess the situation and your behaviour that led to this in the first place.

Remember it is always a two way street. It takes one to give and another to receive. Everyone responds to things in a different way. Maybe you feel the other person is too heavy handed, too sensitive, too emotional or whatever - you need to ask yourself if you handled it appropriately. There are many ways of making a point, without upsetting anyone. If you feel guilty or that they're trying to make you feel guilty maybe your subconcious is telling you that were partly responsible for the current outcome.

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