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  • Writer's pictureStand Sure In Life

It's The Game Of The Blame

Let's face it we all blame circumstances, situations and other people for things that go wrong, that we do wrong, or the way we behave and think. While there is a certain element of truth in this more often than not the "blame" lies with you and that can be (and often is) a very bitter pill to swallow. Very often facing up to our own shortcomings is very painful so we turn our head or bury it in the sand, rather than facing up to them and making the decision to do something positive about it.

I've written blogs before about how age shouldn't hold you back from pursuing your dreams and goals; nor should it prevent you from changing your behaviour (should you want to). Your previous experiences in life don't define who you are as a person but sometimes they can taint your view and thus your identity (if you let it). Every experience can (and should) teach you a lesson. It's up to you how you take each lesson though. You can think of it negatively and respond with a "this always happens" or blame a person, circumstance or situation , or you can accept that it happened, accept responsibility and look at what positive thing you can learn from the situation.

Let's take a look at some examples.

1. You get caught speeding. You blame the fact that you were running late or maybe it's an "emergency". Let's say you're needing to get to A&E which is 10 miles away and the speed limit is 50mph throughout - that journey will take you 12 minutes (assuming the unlikely situation of being able to do a steady 50). If you go 60mph that journey will take you 10 minutes. That's not a huge saving of time and of course if it's a life threatening situation you should have called an ambulance! I get it though - in a situation like that you're not thinking logically (or mathematically!) but if you get caught speeding it was your choice to go faster so you need accept any ramifications that occur because of it.

2. "They made me do it". No one can make anyone do anything they don't want to do. Even under hypnosis a person cannot be forced to do something against their will - the subconscious mind would take over and prevent it from happening. If you're being threatened with violence or blackmail if you don't do it then they are the ones at fault...not you! Walk away. But do ask yourself why you don't want to do it. If it's because it's illegal or dangerous, then really the person asking has no right to do so! If it's because you're being lazy, you don't feel like doing it or you don't like the person asking you - while these are all legitimate reasons they perhaps aren't the best. Again though once you've made that decision you must accept responsibility for your actions. Remember, if you get asked to do something that is breaking the law and you get caught (even if someone has "made" you do it) you are just as culpable as the person who asked - in fact the person who asked won't get in trouble because they didn't do it!

3. "My upbringing did this" or "It's hereditary" or "There's a history in our family of..." Before I go into detail I'm not talking about hereditary disease over which there is no control! I'm talking about behaviours, attitudes and character. While your upbringing is going to have an influence on you it doesn't have to be defining. You have the choice to make your own decisions based on your own core values and principals. There's a story about a set of twins who were brought up in exactly the same way. Their father was a drunk and abusive to them and their mother. He was also drug addict and constantly in trouble with the law. One of the twins grew up and became just like his father while the other one became a successful business man with a loving wife and kids. They were both interviewed separately and when asked why they turned out the way the did both of them answered in exactly the same way; "With my upbringing how could I possibly become anything else". The first one saw it as being the norm and didn't think that there was anything wrong with it while the second one could see the situation as being one he did not want to repeat, so made the choice to go along a different path.

Look at any situation where you could blame someone or something for it going wrong and ask yourself if there is anything you could have done to prevent it, the chances are there is...that's your lesson. If there isn't then accept it happened, let it go, and move on!

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