Today is Singles Awareness day…or to give it it’s proper term - Commercialism In Love Day. Valentines Day.
I have been single for 17 years come May and there was a time I started to wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Why isn’t anyone interested in forming a friendship with me let alone a relationship (after all the best relationships grow form friendships). I got so desperate to find a relationship that I started to neglect myself. I then realised that while I still harbour anger or resentment at my exes I’m not going to attract what I need.
All my exes cheated on me which is one of the hardest things to console yourself over. You start to think that it must be you driving them to it, but then you realise that it’s more a reflection of them than it is of you. I find it very hard to trust again because I don’t want to get hurt again. But if we live our lives in this way we’ll never do anything because getting hurt makes you stronger and can teach you a lesson if you let it.
With all that said, I’ve been doing a lot of self-work. I'm forgiving them and letting go, but more importantly I'm forgiving myself and even more importantly than that, I'm learning to love myself. I'm learning to love myself unconditionally.
The main issue is that as an empath we naturally want to see the good in people but deep down we know that no one is perfect. We tend to attract people based on the signals we send out. So while you're still harbouring doubts of trust, you're going to attract the kind of person who just fuels that feeling.
The other really important thing is that I’m now truly happy on my own. I’ve realised that I don’t need anyone to complete me…I’m complete on my own in my own heart. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love a loving relationship full of joy, compassion and a mutual desire to go through life together as a united unit of love; but I don’t NEED a relationship to complete me. A relationship will enhance me and indeed the other person.
The best "advice" I can give is this:
1. Love yourself unconditionally. Look in the mirror, for no less than five minutes every day and say to yourself "I love you". This will feel awkward to start but stick with it and eventually you'll believe it.
2. Forgive those who have hurt you and let it go.
3. Forgive yourself.
4. Love yourself unconditionally.
5. Think loving thoughts constantly throughout every day.
6. Love yourself unconditionally.
7. Open your heart to allow love in once you have started to...
8. ...love yourself unconditionally.
9. Respect yourself and others.
10. Remove fear and prejudices from your thoughts.
11. Love without condition.
If you’re looking for love remember, like attracts like, so make sure your conscious thoughts and sub-conscious thoughts are in unison and positive. This can take time but loving yourself (in a non egotistical way) is the best thing you can do to start. Only when you're truly happy and independent in your life will you find a truly loving and mutually nurturing relationship.
Maybe write down the ideal partner - age, height, career, interests, looks, character traits etc. Be very specific, then at least you'll be focussing on what you want rather than what you don't want. But don't try and write about someone to change them...
Sending all who read this lots of love.